This article was written by Andy McCall. Andy is in his 9th year teaching, and does everything to honor his little girl, Penelope, who passed last year. Check him out on his Blog or on Facebook: Penelope's Path.
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One thing about teaching is you never know what you are going to walk into that day. Forget about your life and how crazy that is. It's the 17-25 other shots of craziness that walked through your door that keep you on your toes. You never know what is getting ready to come out of their mouths. There are some times in class when your “WTF” thought bubble is ready to explodes. The best part is, no matter how many times you prepare yourself, they never cease to amaze you.
"Did you say the police were called last night on mommy’s boyfriend?" "You ate what for breakfast?" "You didn’t wear shoes today?" "Wait, what did you just put in your mouth?" -All questions you might ask in a 2nd grade classroom before 8am
Below is a collection of some of the most ridiculous conversations that actually happened in my classroom. I promise, these are in no way made up. Experienced teachers know these conversations too well. Some you don’t even fully realize their craziness until you are in the shower washing the glue out of your hair and it hits you. Did he really say that?!?!
*Disclaimer: Parents, I promise I'll only believe half of what they tell me you do at home as long as you believe half of what they tell you happens in class.
1. Kid: "This test was so easy!"
Teacher: "That's what happens when you study, bud."
Kid: "I didn't study, I went to the fair. All the answers were A!"
Teacher: "Are you sure about that?"
Kid: "Yep, I didn't even need to read B or C."
2. Kid: "I'm glad to be back at school."
Teacher: "That's awesome, are you ready to learn something?"
Kid: "No, I'm good at outside time and gym. That's all I came back for."
3. (During a Cause/Effect Lesson)
Teacher: "We want to remember the if/then... if you do this, this happens. Any examples?"
Kid: "If you eat one of your grandma's pills, then she will make you puke it back up."
4. Kid: "My Dad has seen bigfoot."
Teacher: "Are you sure, what did he look like?"
Kid: "He told me he looked like my Uncle and Aunt mixed together."
Teacher: "Well maybe he was kidding."
Kid: "No, he wouldn't lie, and that'd scare me if I saw it."
5. Kid: "Mr. McCall, my glue smells like peanut butter and banana."
Teacher: "Well, that's nice, but let's not sniff glue today!"
Kid: "OK, but it doesn't taste like peanut butter and banana if you wanted to know..."
6. Kid: "Mr. McCall, I’m not going to lie, I didn’t study for my reading test."
Teacher: "Why Not?"
Kid: "Well, reading about music doesn’t make sense to me, I just like listening to it."
7. Kid: "This place is like a prison."
Teacher: "Why would you say that?"
Kid: "Every time I do a math problem wrong, you make me redo it. That’s exactly like prison."
8. Teacher: "You are wearing all green today, everything matches, that’s a good look for you."
Kid: "I wanted to match my Dad, he has green all over his tattoos. Even the naked lady on his back is green."
9. Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?"
Kid: "Mom isn’t used to the school schedule yet, she said 'Tell Mrs. Connie we had a flat,' but we all know better."
10. Teacher: "So tonight’s homework is pages 5-12, be ready to discuss what’s going on."
Kid: (5 min later) "Do I need to bring my book home tonight?"
11. Teacher: "There are no bonus questions."
Kid: "Will there be extra credit?"
Me: "What did I just say?????"
Kid: "Bonus and extra credit are different aren’t they?"
12. Teacher: "So after everything this morning, somebody tell me their definition of a noun."
13. Teacher: "I told you not to get up during the test."
Kid: "That was him, I didn’t get up yet. I thought you just meant him don’t get up."
14. Teacher: "Get your pencil and copy this down, we are going to take notes."
Kid: "I don’t have one."
Teacher: "It’s 10 o’clock, what have you been using all morning?"
Kid: "Crayons. You told me not to get up, I didn’t want to ask."
15. Teacher: "Did you study for your test today?"
Kid: "No, it isn’t open book? We did open book last year."
Kid: "But Mrs. Johnson didn’t do it that way."
Teacher: "Do I look like Mrs. Johnson?"
16. Teacher: "So make sure your name and number are up top on every paper."
Kid: (turns in paper with no name at the top)
Teacher: "I just told you to put your name up there."
Kid: "It’s right here. (turns paper upside down) That’s the top when you handed it to me."
17. Kid: "I need to go to the bathroom."
Teacher: "We just went 5 min ago."
Kid: "I didn’t have to go then."