LAUGH
For the uninitiated, staff meetings are about gathering all the teachers and staff together to either learn about new protocols, plan future events, or learn how to become better educators.
For teachers, staff meetings are about… 45 minutes too long! Sure we know they’re necessary, but they’re also so… just… so… ugh, you know what? I think this explanation requires pictures.
1. The duty assignments
During dismissal, there’s a lot of stuff that needs to get done, and every year teachers dread finding out which awful assignment they will draw.
2. Learning from the unlearned
There’s nothing quite like someone who’s never done your job before, tell you how to do your job.
3. Teamwork makes the dreamwork
It’s always satisfying when you bust your butt to create some magic in your classroom and it’s actually appreciated.
4. It wasn’t me I swear!
Every teacher gets that guilty look when admin starts mentioning those policies that aren’t being handled properly.
5. Just move it along buddy
Teachers are really good at their jobs. Chances are if you tell them about some fancy new method… they already know about it.
6. So glad I asked
One of the purposes of the staff meeting is to ask questions about rules and procedures that you’re unclear on. Getting answers like this, however, doesn’t help.
7. Today’s PowerPoint is all about not using PowerPoint to teach things
Ah, the smell of hypocrisy is heavy in the air, isn’t it?
8. The ice is broken I promise!
While ice breakers may have their place at the beginning of the year to get new staff members into the fold, they pass the point of usefulness by October at the latest.
9. It’s official… no one knows anything
As if teaching wasn’t hard enough already! Now we have to incorporate all of these COVID guidelines into our routines and pretend like this floating dumpster fire is perfectly normal.
10. Ah sweet victory
It doesn’t happen often, but nothing brightens your day quite like a canceled staff meeting
11. It’s a trap!
One of the time-honored traditions in schools is luring teachers to meetings with the promise of food. It is unwise to leave this promise unfulfilled, however.
12. Less is more. Way less is perfect.
The faster you’re done talking, the faster I can be on my couch.
13. It all means the same thing
No matter what kind of teacher you are, you make at least one of these faces 5 minutes into every staff meeting.
14. No no, I totally learned something today
If we all agree that we learned something, can we all go home?
15. We were so close to victory
Every school has that teacher that just has “one more quick question”… and we don’t like her very much.
16. Clear as mud!
It’s amazing how hours worth of meetings can lead to so little being accomplished or understood.
17. Give me prep time or give me death!
Keeping teachers after school is one thing. Stealing our prep period is a different thing altogether.
18. Work with me here!
At the end of the day we’re just as bad as students sometimes. Texting our buddies in the middle of the lesson just to get through it as painlessly as possible.
19. Do I not look attentive to you?
It’s a classic teacher trick. Sure we look like we’re engaged in the lesson, but we’re probably grading papers or setting our fantasy football lineups.
20. Welcome to the 21st century!
If technology is so great, then why don’t we use it? Like right now. Instead of having this meeting.
