LAUGH
There is probably nothing worse than having a staff meeting after an extremely long, exhausting day of teaching. Do we want to be updated on happenings around campus? Of course. Do we want to collaborate with our peers to create more engaging lessons? Absolutely. Do we want to be talked at about nonsensical things and treated like toddlers for a good hour of our lives? Absolutely not! Enter the mind of a teacher during one of those dreaded staff meetings that come far too often:
- My feet are tired. I need Advil. Do I have time to pee before this thing starts?
- What materials do I need for this meeting? If I bring a planner and a flair pen, is that enough to make my principal think I’m an avid note-taker instead of a doodler?
- Oh…we’re starting on time now? That’s a change.
- I’m going to have a positive attitude about this. I can do this!
- NOPE. NEVERMIND. I ALREADY HATE THIS.
- Why isn’t there any candy? Where is the food? I’m gonna need some chocolate to get through this.
- This could have been an email.
- I’d rather be in my room responding to emails and grading the tests that my students just took today.
- Oh no! He’s looking at me. Smile and nod. There. You’re listening.
- I have to get up and do what now?! I literally just sat down.
- I don’t need to “bond” with my co-workers. My butt needs to bond with the couch at my house, which is where I should be sitting right now!
- What is the point of this activity? Because telling someone 2 truths and a lie is not helping me bond with them any faster.
- JUST LET ME RETURN TO MY SEAT, DAMNIT!
- Okay, phew. The worst part is over.
- Just kidding! Here comes the data!
- Data shark, doo doo doo doo doooooooooo.
- Okay, focus. Get it together!
- So many graphs. So many numbers. So little time.
- Shoot. Am I making a terrible facial expression again? Is that why everyone is staring at me?
- He just called on me. Don’t say anything dumb don’t say anything dumb don’t say anything dumb.
- WELP…YOU DONE GOOFED. YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING DUMB.
- Now everyone thinks I’m a moron.
- Why is the P.E. teacher here if we are talking about how to boost reading comprehension strategies? Poor guy.
- Why am I here? Why are any of us here?
- This could have been an email.
- Did he just suggest we do more paperwork?
- Hmm, I wonder if I can text Ms. Thompson across the table and not get caught…?
- What am I going to have for dinner? I really feel like Chipotle is calling my name. Yup, tacos it is. No, I can’t, it’s not Tuesday. Eh, whatever.
- What’s on TV tonight? Anything good?
- Wait, if I eat tacos, I’m going to want a margarita and I’m all out of margarita mix. Damn, that throws a wrench in everything!
- ARE WE REALLY STILL TALKING ABOUT THE DAMN DATA?!
- We get it! We need to boost our scores! Stop talking about it!
- Let’s move on to talking about spirit week.
- Why are you reading from a PowerPoint slide? The majority of us have Masters degrees, dude, I think we know how to read!
- This could have been an email. I’m sensing a trend…
- Summer school talk has started.
- Abort! Abort! Don’t make eye contact with anyone!
- Ha! You could not pay me enough to teach summer school.
- “Unforeseen budgetary problems”, huh? SHOCKER!
- “Any questions?” Please, everyone, don’t ask any questions. This is painful enough.
- Put your hand down, Carol! No one needs one of your tangential, anecdotal stories right now.
- And now you got Paul going. If I wanted to watch a debate, I’d turn on CNN.
- Shoot, I still need to email back Marcus’ mom!
- Oh, and I gotta get a packet ready for Lauren before she leaves on vacation.
- Yes! Almost done!
- PUT YOUR HAND DOWN BEFORE I PHYSICALLY REMOVE IT FROM YOUR BODY.
- Aaaand it’s done, run out before they realize they forgot to tell us something!
- Yet another 45 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.
- See ya! Let’s do this again never.
- I still think this could have been an email.
