LAUGH
There are three general times that a teacher receives gifts from students: Christmas, Valentine’s Day and the end of the school year. The Christmas gifts are almost always a mix of Rocher chocolates, Santa Claus/Snowman mugs, and lotion/hand sanitizer/candles. One gets a strong sense that many of these items are gifts that the parents didn’t want. (I know I pass on my chocolates and lotion sets to my kid’s teachers!) Occasionally there is a Starbucks or Target gift card, which is like pure gold. And every once in a while there is a very strange item given to us that we are unsure how to react to.
I asked a group of over 100,000 teachers to name the strangest gifts they’ve ever received from a student and here is a list of the weirdest, most creative responses I received:
1. A Dollar Store mug and candy combo with “World’s Greatest Lover” on it
This gift almost makes it into the pile of standard teacher gifts but then WOAH! Did the kid/parent not see the front of the mug? Please god, let that be the case.
2. Toilet brush set
Well this is definitely practical. If you have a toilet, you should have the proper utensils to clean it.
3. A nose hair trimmer
A very considerate gift for the teacher who has it all, including overgrown nose hair.
4. A gift card for a bikini wax
Thanks kid. Now we’re both thinking about my pubes.
5. A pair of fur-covered handcuffs for the teacher to use with her “Beyoncé” (fiancé)
A dash of cute with a whole lot of uncomfortable!
6. Used hair gel
First of all, is this a joke? It’s not? Okay, well, thank you for saving this bit for me!
7. A rose that was actually a red lace thong (Students mistakenly buy this gift for teachers a lot.)
Apparently they sell these at 7-11 and students confuse it for a single red rose… which is also awkward. This item needs to have a huge label that reads “You know this is UNDERWEAR, RIGHT?” to prevent this terrible circumstance from happening again.
8. A perfume called “Sexy Thang”
I’m not sure who the target audience for this is, but it sure as hell ain’t teachers!
9. 3 razors, a chapstick, a toothbrush, and a pencil wrapped in a rubber band
This kid doesn’t have time to play games. He is all practicality and utility.
10. Kama Sutra cologne, complete with topless lady on the label
This immediately gets returned to sender. Thank you but I can’t accept gifts from students that include images of boobies.
11. Perfume and sexy underwear so the teacher can, in the student’s words, “Make your own baby!”
Why would I ever need to make my own baby when I have 30 of you weirdos?
12. A book about how to give massages to cats
If you’ve ever wondered if there are specific techniques for petting cats, this is the item for you!
13. Chocolates that a student admitted her dad stole from the Dollar Tree
Your dad risked a lot for these sweet delights. Let’s share them together.
14. A copy of American Psycho wrapped in newspaper
Good book, but not particularly gift-worthy. The addition of the newspaper certainly adds an element of creepy. I hope there aren’t any mysteriously highlighted passages!
15. A gift bag with grapefruit and appetite suppressants
This gift included a note that read, “My mom said these helped her lose weight!” Need I say more?
16. A box of pantyliners
In the student’s defense, they do sell these in a gift box with a bow that reads GIFT in huge fancy letters. Perhaps they just didn’t read the fine print which reads, “You deserve it! A breakthrough in feminine hygiene!”
17. Cellulite cream
That crap is expensive so thanks, I guess.
18. An empty condom wrapper with wildflowers in it
“Please kid, tell me you don’t know what this is,” I think to myself as I reach for this gift with a wad of 15 tissues doused in hand sanitizer.
19. A hand-drawn portrait of the teacher completely nude (it included EVERYTHING)
If the kid is under four years old I suppose it is innocent enough to be cute. Over five and I’m calling the cops.
20. Gift card to Victoria’s Secret which said “Sexy Little You” on it
I can’t afford nice underwear so I’m willing to overlook this unbelievably uncomfortable message.
21. Used candles
You tried them out for me fifteen times? How were they?
22. A bra that clearly had been worn before
If it’s old enough, maybe it could be considered vintage?
23. A lighter which revealed a picture of a naked lady when it was turned upside down
I’ll regift this to my pubescent nephew. Should make a splash.
24. A t-shirt with the teacher’s face on it
Walking around wearing a shirt with your own face on it is not odd at all! I think I’ll wear it to my next speed dating event!
25. Massage oils called “Love Potion” with a post-it note that read “use with your husband”
For those irritable teachers whose marriages have probably lost that spark.
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This article was written by Jane Morris — author of the bestselling book: Teacher Misery. Connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr.
