Real Talk
I run a pretty laid-back classroom. I don’t enforce a lot of strict procedures. I have a high tolerance for noise and rowdiness. And I’ve been known to veer off course now and then, abandoning the planned lesson because our discussion led to a new topic that piqued students’ interest. All I expect is respect.
I’m not saying that this is the best way to run a classroom. There are plenty of excellent teachers who take a far more no-nonsense approach than I do. But this works for me and my kids. Still, for all my laid-back ways, what doesn’t work for me is disrespect. When it comes to how my students treat me, each other, and our school, I try to run a pretty tight ship. For me, this is what a classroom of respect looks like.
1. No backtalk!
Now, before you say, “What a tyrant! Kids need to be able to express their opinion,” let’s look at the definition of backtalk. According to Webster, backtalk refers to an impudent, insolent, or argumentative reply. Why would any teacher tolerate that? Not only is backtalk disrespectful, but allowing it doesn’t do the kids any favors. It teaches them that it’s okay to mouth off whenever things aren’t going their way.
This is not a trait that will serve them well with future teachers, employers, or even friends. Instead, I try to teach my kids to seek ways to dialog respectfully. Instead of, “This assignment is boring. Why do I have to do this anyway?” Try, “This is hard for me. Can you help me understand why it’s important?” Instead of, “Hey! You should give us a study guide.” Try, “Would you be willing to provide a study guide?” The differences here are subtle but meaningful. I want my students to question, not belittle; to ask, not demand.
Still, there are times amid a hectic and demanding class time when the answer to any question will be, “Because I said so!” And kids need to know that sometimes that is okay too. They are children. Their teachers are the adults. We do not have to justify everything.
2. Ask nicely.
Speaking of asking rather than demanding–yeah, that’s a big one. Somehow we have gone from May I please, to Can I, to You should. As in, “You should let us work together on this.” Or “You should give us extra credit.” The English teacher and southern girl in me would prefer, “May I please…” But honestly, at this point, that just seems picky. I’m happy with a simple, “Can we work together?” I also require them to ask, “Can I borrow a pencil?” rather than just informing me, “I need a pencil,” and waiting for me to supply one.
3. Pick up your area!
Throw away your trash! Tuck in your chair! Don’t leave your stuff lying around! This is basic civility. My kids know that they can clean up their area when they leave, or they can clean it up while everyone else is doing something fun. This is for my sanity, but also because people tend to value things they have to care for, and students should value our classroom. They should also respect me, and more importantly the custodian, enough not to leave us unnecessary work.
4. No, you can’t call me by my first name.
I hear a lot of teachers say that they don’t care what their students call them–because they are not better than the kids. Well, sure. I’m not better than my students, but we aren’t the same. We aren’t peers or pals. I am in charge. They aren’t. Expecting them to call their teachers Mr. _______ or Mrs/Ms. ______ makes that distinction.
More importantly for young children, I think setting this type of boundary is in their best interest. I’ve had some training on the tricks of sexual predators, and one of the first things they do is to blur the lines between the adult and the child. This isn’t to suggest that a teacher who allows kids to call her by her first name is a sexual predator, by no means. But we should not normalize blurring those lines.
5. Speak respectfully to and about other teachers and students.
I do not listen to students badmouth other teachers or kids. It’s unprofessional and sets a terrible example. I also don’t tolerate kids speaking disrespectfully to each other in my class. I think this rule is true for most teachers. But I still have to remind kids frequently that I expect respect and have a zero-tolerance policy for meanness.
6. Just go around!
This one might seem weird. In fact, I think it’s odd that I have to remind kids not to climb on the furniture or invade other people’s personal space to get where they are going. Has this always been an issue? Have we always had to remind kids that we don’t push people, walk between two people who are having a conversation, or step on or over people and furniture as we move from one area to another?
I think this rule is important because kids seem to be increasingly unaware of their surroundings and of other people–like characters in a video game who just go around bumping into other characters and objects. This is more of an awareness than a respect issue, but having a student plow between me and another teacher while we are talking in the hall still feels super disrespectful.
7. Do you see me talking to a grown-up?
I am constantly saying this to students who feel free to insert themselves into the middle of a conversation I am having with a coworker. Sometimes I allow the offending student to wait quietly until the adults finish our conversation. Sometimes, because of the nature of the conversation, I politely ask the student to wait for me in the classroom.
The same goes when I am talking to another child. “Do you see that I’m talking to your classmate? Please wait at your desk until I have a minute.” When I am talking to another student, and especially to another teacher, it is not okay for a child to interrupt unless someone is bleeding or the classroom is on fire. Far from making kids feel dismissed, this teaches boundaries and lets them know that when it’s their turn to talk, they have my full attention.
To some, my nonnegotiables might seem strict or even outdated. But I find that they actually foster a spirit of respect and community. This in turn allows me to let a few other things slide and run the kind of laid-back classroom that my students and I enjoy. So, what about you? What are the nonnegotiables in your classroom?
