LAUGH
Every teacher knows to keep a secret stash of candy for those stressful moments. But do you know what kind of candy is best to handle your specific kind of stress?
Let’s not kid ourselves… teaching is stressful, nerve-wracking, and panic-inducing. Every teacher knows that one of the keys to survival is giving yourself the occasional sweet treat as a momentary escape from the madness. Expert-level teachers, however, know that you need different treats for different kinds of stress. Here’s a quick guide to what you should have in your emergency kit to cover all the stresses education provides.
1. Stress Level: My students are all acting like space cadets!
What you need:
Every teacher has one of those days when their entire class is present physically but not mentally. You ask a question… nothing. You crack a joke… nada. So if their heads are going to be in the clouds, you might as well rise above it and take a quick trip to the Milky Way.
2. Stress level: I have 3 meetings, 2 assemblies, and a fire drill. There’s too much going on!
What you need:
You know what’s great about a Hershey’s bar? It’s simple and uncomplicated. When your school day is getting overwhelmed with a million little distractions, what you need is to get back to the basics. One bite of this classic and you’ll forget about your insanely over-packed schedule… at least for a minute.
3. Stress Level: It’s testing season and I’m worried my students are going to bomb!
What you need:
Maybe your class isn’t the most advanced group in the world. Maybe they’re as focused as a herd of kittens. Teaching classes like that can have you pulling your hair out, so it’s always a good idea to have these sugary little disks with you, so no matter what your students are doing, you’ll always have a handful of Smarties.
4. Stress Level: I just looked at my bank account!
What you need:
Yes, it’s true, none of us got into teaching to become rich, but we also didn’t expect to be so darn poor! Teachers tend to look at our bank statements the way other people might watch a horror movie: with one eye closed and the other one peeking out through fingers that are covering our faces. So next time you have to pay your bills, take a bite of this loaded candy bar so at least your mouth will know what it’s like to have $100 grand.
5. Stress Level: My class is completely nuts today!
What you need:
Admit it, some of you just sang the jingle in your head.
Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don’t
Almond Joy’s got nuts
Mounds don’t
When everyone around you is going nuts, what you need is a nut-free vacation. So sneak a bite of this goodie and regain just a bit of your sanity.
6. Stress Level: I’m completely exhausted, but I still have all this classwork to do!
What you need:
Warning: This particular treat is not for the faint of heart. Mainlining a straw full of sugar is not a habit you want to get into, but on occasion Pixy Stix can be used to give you that extra boost you need when your morning coffee has worn off. Sure it might launch you into overdrive, but at least those papers will get graded lickety-split.
7. Stress Level: Parents never pick up the phone when I call. I’m so mad I could bite someone’s head off!
What you need:
Yes, it can be frustrating when you call home about a student and no one answers the phone. Especially if that student is destroying your classroom on a daily basis. But since biting actual heads off is frowned upon in society, why not get a bag full of gummy bears and bite the heads off of those adorable little guys? You can vent your frustrations on these multi-colored snacks all day long and they’ll never complain.
8. Stress level: My class makes me want to shout expletives all day… but I can’t!
What you need:
There are days when everything goes smoothly and plans work out and students are well behaved. Then there’s the rest of the year where everything is a hot mess and you feel like crying or screaming or both. So for those moments when you’re struggling to find the words to say, maybe take a bite of a Whatchamacallit for inspiration to find the words you’re looking for.
At least for a couple of seconds, your mouth will be too full of chocolatey goodness to say something inappropriate.
If chocolate is not your thing, check out this Ultimate Drink-Pairing List For Every Stressful Teaching Situation.
