5 Courses Colleges of Education Should Offer to Future Teachers

Learn about typical copy machines found in today’s schools. Discover how to remove jammed paper quickly, how to be first in line to make copies, and how to handle the shame of jamming the machine to the point that no one can use it for weeks.

Note: This course only covers copy machines manufactured before 2008, since newer machines are typically not found in public schools.

Throughout the semester, students will gradually reduce meal time from one hour to five minutes. Discussions will focus on multi-tasking while eating and meal prep for foods that need no refrigeration and no heating. In-class food sampling includes cold pizza slices, cold coffee, and stale donuts.

This unique course is not for the faint of heart. Actual parents will visit the class to tell you how you should do your job. Be sure to purchase the required text: How to Keep a Poker Face During Parent/Teacher Conferences.

Students are required to meet outside the building 30 minutes before the actual class start time, regardless of weather conditions. Volunteer drivers will provide real life examples of stalling the line, playing loud music with inappropriate lyrics, unloading science fair projects, performing five-minute “good-bye routines,” and putting the car in park to run into the school for just “one minute”. Students will learn effective techniques for managing a large coffee mug while opening car doors for students. Students must provide their own umbrellas, rubber boots, coats and gloves.

Note: This class takes place outdoors.

Prerequisites: “Preparation for Crazy Things Parents Will Say or Do” and “An Introduction to Quick Eating”

Participants will study the history of unfinished homework excuses, ranging from the classic “My dog ate it” to “I think the Internet was down last night.” An intensive three-week unit will focus on parent signatures for agenda books and how to spot forgeries.

Note: No excuses will be accepted for incomplete homework assignments.