LAUGH
There are times when you just need a drink. Let’s face it, it might be 8:15 am on a Tuesday. When I’m not drinking water or coffee, these are my go-to drinks for all the teacher situations that come about. I do agree that a good glass of sweet tea or lemonade can be refreshing after a long day, but sometimes that just isn’t going to cut it.
*Disclaimer: This article is not intended to encourage the consumption of alcohol after stressful situations, nor is it meant to portray teachers as large consumers of alcoholic beverages. It’s a playful piece intended only to bring laughter into this chaotic game we call life. If you don’t drink, then this one’s not for you!
1. Reading Parent Emails: White Russian
You don’t want to respond very quickly, so drink this slowly and respond after you’ve had some time to settle down.
2. New Student: Rum & Coke
The entire balance of your room is about to change. Could be good: add more coke. Could be a disaster: add more rum.
3. The First Sneeze: Lemon Drop
The weather changes. You can’t go outside. You hear that sound that makes your whole body cringe. You know the sickness is upon you. Arm yourself with Lysol and Lemon Drops. Good thing is you can add honey or more alcohol. It’s just medicine.
4. That Moment you get home: Ice Cold Beer
The days can be long and you need something to just sit with and sip during your re-runs on Netflix, as you pass out on the couch.
5. The Night You Don’t Have to Grade: Margaritas
Pairs perfectly with Taco Tuesday and everyone knows we need our Mexican take out! Treat yo’self!
6. Wednesdays: Fireball
Nothing gets you back in the game like some hot cinnamon shots. It also will end the thought of 2 more days until Saturday.
7. Faculty Meetings: Bourbon, straight
Faculty meetings can cause any person to drink. One slow pour just for their existence. The rest of the bottle is there for those people that keep raising their hands and asking questions.
8. Friday afternoon bus duty: Long Island Tea
It gets the job done quickly and erases any memory of what you just went through over the past 5 days.
9. Day off from school: Red Bull & Vodka
You need to get up off the couch and be a human, but you need a kickstart and the coffee isn’t doing it. Bring on the Party Waters.
10. Paper Grading Time: Mimosas
Light and refreshing, it won’t ruin your day and you can start drinking them early. That stack of papers looks way less terrible after some bubbly and orange juice. (Plus there’s the added bonus of Vitamin C)
11. Mid-Terms: Wine
Like a fine wine, the papers get better with time. Mostly because you stop reading them and just hand out A’s like Oprah.
12. Spring Break: Daiquiris & Piña Coladas
For a few days, you can at least act like you have enough money to go to the beach.
13. End of School: Sangria
It reminds you of all the good times, the sunshine, and friends. You don’t feel bad about downing a whole pitcher because there is fruit, right?
14. That Rare Date Night: Martini
Nothing says grown up adult like a Martini, shaken not stirred. Put on the only outfit that doesn’t have any dry erase marker stains on it, and live it up!
15. Christmas Break: Irish Coffee
You don’t want to miss a moment and there are too many awesome flavored coffees out there. So just throw in some Jameson and deck the halls!
16. Paper Jam in the Copier: Jaeger Bomb
The worst thing in the world is a paper jam. The worst hangover you can have is a jaeger headache. Might as well pair the rage and let loose!
