LAUGH
I truly love (like, really love) the majority of my students’ parents. But then… There are the “Life Coaches on Steroids-Parents”—fueled by a mother bear instinct to protect their child beyond reason (and I stress that last part). These are the ones who test the limits of my patience—and my remaining sanity—Every. Single. Year.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We appreciate your concern. We respect curiosity. But let’s call it what it is: an unwavering desire to control everything that happens to your child. Quite honestly, it is a bit exhausting for everyone involved.
In those moments, the voices in our heads start pitching some colorful responses. But instead, we smile, nod, and let our calm, professional teacher mode take the wheel. If you lack the necessary teacher autopilot, here are some ideas for responding to typical parent communications.
1.“He never does that at home.”
What you want to say:
“Okie Dokie, Pinocchio. I guess school just brings out their special talents.”
What you should say:
“This is quite common. Students act differently depending on the environment. Let’s work together to develop some ideas to encourage appropriate behavior at school.”
This tactic shows that you are validating what they say and want to work together to devise a solution for the behavior.
2.“My child is soooo bored in your class. They know all this stuff.”
What you want to say:
“You really could have fooled me with that 68 percent they scored on the last test. It’s not giving genius vibes.”
What you should say:
“I appreciate your concern regarding your child’s focus in class. It’s great that they feel confident with the class material, but boredom can come for a variety of reasons. I would like to know exactly when this is happening, so we can work together to enrich your child at home and school.”
Offering collaboration is always key. Parents want to feel like they are heard and often back down when they are allowed to come up with solutions.
3. “Please stop emailing me about my daughter’s behavior. I know she’s a problem. Just send her to the principal.”
What you want to say:
Unfortunately, the principal is just as bad as you are at giving out consequences.
What you should say:
“I understand that managing behavior can be challenging. Collaborating with the school staff, including the principal, can help us support your daughter’s development effectively. Let’s come up with some consequences together for misbehavior.“
Once again, coming up with solutions together is very helpful in addressing student misbehavior and parent complaints.
4. “They still aren’t feeling that well, but I need to work. I gave them some Tylenol to take away their fever, so they should be fine for you.”
What you want to say:
Um, not on my watch. Junior needs to sit right back down in his car seat, because we will not be infecting the whole first grade today. We are not babysitters.
What you should say:
I understand you don’t want your child to miss school and fall behind, but according to school policy, students must be fever-free for 24 hours without the use of medication before returning. Thank you so much for understanding!
Always fall back on policies and procedures whenever possible.
5.“We don’t want our child learning about rainbows, spiders, or holidays.”
What you want to say:
Noted: We will just remove everything fun and relevant to the natural world from our curriculum FOR YOUR CHILD.
What you should say:
“Thanks for letting me know your concerns. I’d be happy to share what we’re covering and how it relates to the curriculum and work with you on approaching it in a way that aligns with your family’s values.”
Offer possible solutions, especially when you can accomplish them without taking away your autonomy or ability to teach the curriculum as you deem appropriate.
6. “My child said you were mean because you say no to them all the time.“
What you want to say:
Your child’s behavior deserves much stronger words than ‘no.’ You should thank me for my restraint.
What you should say:
“I always try to be respectful and kind while also setting clear boundaries. I’ll make sure we talk through things when a limit is needed so it feels fair and supportive.”
Being proactive is a great strategy to build family relationships. Sending messages home when a child does something good can also help alleviate problems when you need to give consequences for behavior.
7. “It’s Monday morning, and you still haven’t answered my email.” (Sent at 11:30 on Friday night)
What you want to say:
What in the Tasmanian Devil would make you think I am at your beck and call every minute of the day? Am I allowed to, you know, sleep a bit, take care of my own family, pet my dog….?
What you should say:
Thank you for your email. I strive to respond to messages during school hours, Monday through Friday. I appreciate your patience and will get back to you as soon as possible.”
This policy should be set up at the beginning of the year to maintain appropriate boundaries at all times.
8. “Why did my son get a D on his essay? It was sooo good.”
What you want to say:
“Goood for age five, maybe, but we expect a few more details in fifth grade.”
What you should say:
“I appreciate your interest in your son’s work. Let me show you the rubric, so you can see where it was lacking and take the necessary steps to help him improve.”
Having grading rubrics and standards for grades takes out the subjectivity that parents can claim you are showing.
9. “Can you get me two weeks of work together for my daughter to work on as we are cruising the Caribbean?”
What you want to say:
I am still photocopying today’s work. I haven’t the slightest idea what I will be teaching two weeks from now.
What you should say:
“I’ll gather what I can that’s ready in advance, and I’ll also be happy to share anything she can make up when she returns. Thanks for keeping me in the loop!”
This way you are being polite, not making any promises, and letting them know that you will provide missed work on their return.
10. “Your class is too noisy for my child to learn.”
What you want to say:
“Tell me about it. Imagine my headache at the end of the day,”
What you should say:
I am actively working on engagement strategies with the students, and we are making progress. Some of that is what we call ‘productive noise’—students collaborating, asking questions, and actively engaging with learning. Of course, I’m always monitoring to ensure it remains purposeful and doesn’t become distracting.
Working together is key.
However misguided and frustrating, parents often come to us out of concern for their children. Although difficult at times, it is in the best interest of our entire school communities to respond with empathy, professionalism, and provide perspective.
By balancing honesty and support (and a dash of humor when appropriate) a partnership can result that will benefit everybody.
