Real Talk
Dear Bored Teachers, I’m a first-year teacher, and I secretly hate one of my students. Like seriously hate him as a human being. He’s mean, he’s always interrupting the class, he makes fun of me, what I wear, how I look, how I speak, and I’ve had enough. I have tried to speak to my principal and he just told me to give it time. I’m trying my best to build relationships and not be biased, but I just can’t with him. It’s making coming to school so hard. What should I do? Am I the only teacher hating one of my students? Does that make me a bad teacher? -Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you so much for expressing your thoughts about such a sensitive topic.
First off, let me ask you a question. How would you feel about someone outside of school who showed you no respect, called you names, made you not want to wake up in the morning, and was mentally and sometimes physically abusive?
You wouldn’t be inviting them over for brunch. Teachers are humans and can’t help having human emotions. Even the most Mother Theresa-like teachers have secretly wished the students that make their classes an unsafe place would stay home a day or two or three.
When “just build relationships” isn’t enough
Building genuine relationships with challenging students can work and does take time as students are very good at seeing through phony attempts. The problem with the build-a-relationship response from administrators is that it can be a way to shift all blame and responsibility to teachers for not being able to solve each and every student behavior issue alone. This is impossible, besides the fact that relationship-building doesn’t erase the effects of student trauma or poverty.
In this situation, the administrator should be providing consequences so that you don’t have to endure mental abuse, and other students do not have to witness it.
Strategies to cope with challenging students
Acknowledging your feelings, being reflective, and reaching out for help are all indications that you are a thoughtful teacher. It sounds like you just need assistance. I am a big proponent of the notion that teachers should not have to suffer through a mentally or physically abusive environment alone. There have to be strategies and or services put into place so that teachers can teach and students can learn. Otherwise, new teachers like you will not last past their very first year.
Some of the below strategies can be used to improve the situation in your classroom so you can enjoy teaching once again.
- Document everything and begin a BIP (Behavior Intervention Plan)
- Reach out to past teachers of this student for advice.
- Seek counseling for this student.
- Meet with the principal, parents, and student and come up with a plan moving forward.
- Discuss logical consequences for behavior infractions.
- Determine the currency of this student for positive reinforcement of appropriate behaviors. What rewards motivate them to behave appropriately?
- Have weekly one-on-one conferences with this student to discuss progress toward behavioral goals.
- Give this student a special role in the classroom. (Check out this list of classroom job ideas!)
- Confide in an understanding coworker. Seasoned teachers are the greatest resource in your building. They can talk you off the ledge and offer many invaluable resources. They have been there.
You are not alone in your feelings. Every teacher struggles with the behavior of students at times. Positive school environments work together with teams of mental health and behavioral specialists to solve these issues, instead of sending teachers into nightmare situations where they have to accept consistent abuse from students.
