LAUGH
There’s a TikTok trend that features professionals listing things they would never do–cardiologists telling us what they would never eat, dermatologists telling us what they would never use on their skin, decorators telling us what they would never have in their home… you get the idea.
As a rule, I’m not much of a trend follower, but I find this one compelling because as a teacher and a mom, I’ve been informally compiling my own list of “I would nevers” for years. In my nearly 20 years as an educator, that list has changed a little from time to time. A few nevers have been omitted as I’ve gained new information and wisdom. Others have been added as I’ve gained experience and seen the consequences of problematic behaviors and practices. And though I am open to new ways of thinking, here are some “I would nevers” that will never change.
1. Assume my child’s side of the story is the whole story.
There are two sides to every story, but when it comes to weighing the words and actions of a professional adult against the impulsivity and immaturity of a 12-year-old who is about to get his Xbox taken away, I’m going to give serious consideration to the possibility that the adult in charge might know a thing or two about the “real story” that I don’t. That isn’t to say that the teacher is always right and the child is always wrong. But there’s a good chance that getting the teacher’s perspective on the situation could make things a lot clearer.
2. Call or email my child’s principal before first going to the teacher.
Principals don’t appreciate it. Teachers feel undermined by it. And it’s counter-productive to building a strong rapport and a good working relationship between a parent and teacher. The same goes for CCing a principal onto an accusatory email. It’s always best for parents to try to work with the teacher first. If that proves unsatisfactory, then by all means move up the chain of command. Many teachers are happy to have the input of a supportive principal, but I would never call the principal first.
3. Talk to my child’s teacher about something she could handle herself.
Even at a young age, children need to be taught to advocate for themselves. Parents who fight (and sometimes create) every battle for their kids are only setting them up for later struggles. Kids need to learn to respectfully ask for what they need, request clarification, and share feelings of discomfort or frustration. Most teachers will respect their students’ maturity when they handle potentially difficult situations on their own.
4. Blast a teacher or school district on social media.
This just creates drama and is a terrible example for the kids.
5. Let my child regularly have too much screen time
…Then complain because he has low grades or because the teacher’s lessons don’t hold her attention. Perhaps the biggest threat to our children’s academic success, mental health, and their ability to think and be creative is too much screen time. If parents don’t limit that, there’s only so much a teacher can do to reach a child who is dependent on electronic stimulation. I would never want to put a teacher, or my child, in that position.
6. Overshare with a teacher.
There are times when it is helpful for a teacher to know what is going on in a child’s personal life. If a student is struggling with something at home, that can often explain changes in behavior or trouble at school. However, a simple, “Her dad and I are going through a difficult divorce,” will suffice. Details about Dad’s extra-marital affairs or midlife crisis are unnecessary and inappropriate.
7. Share embarrassing information about my child in front of my child.
I’ve sat through countless parent/teacher conferences where I could tell the student wanted to crawl under the table when Mom or Dad started talking about their son’s crush on a girl in class or about how their daughter should be getting her period any day which is probably why she’s so cranky. This may or may not be information that is helpful for the teacher, but some things just need to be shared privately.
8. Buy my kids the Assorted 24-pack of Flare Pens for school.
I mean, if you really want to drop twelve bucks on a set of pens, I am sure any teacher would be thrilled with that gift. But when a child feels the need to change her pen color 18 times during a lesson, the teacher is not thrilled.
So what about you? As a teacher, what are some things you would never do?
