LAUGH
Dear Santa,
Greetings from Room 243! I hope you and Mrs. Claus are well and enjoying your preparations for the big day! I know it’s a busy time for both of us—you with all your making lists and checking them twice, me trying to educate rowdy children hyped up on sugar cookies and candy canes. Speaking of which, if you need any assistance with that whole naughty and nice thing, I believe I can offer some helpful insights.
I realize it might seem a bit unusual to get a letter from a grown-up. I know kids are your primary focus. Believe me, I get that. Still, I was hoping that you might be open to checking out my Christmas list this year. After all, if it weren’t for teachers, kids wouldn’t be able to write, and you wouldn’t even get Christmas letters. You might even say my job makes yours possible.
With that in mind, here are a few things that would help me help you. And don’t worry! I’m not asking for miracles like adequate planning time or a paycheck that reflects the value of my work. Those things would require actual divine intervention. I’m only asking for a few conveniences and little luxuries to help me get through the day.
1. Worry-free printing and copying
I’m talking no paper jams and an unending supply of paper, ink, and toner ready to go. Also, I really hate waiting in line to use the copier during the few precious moments I have without my students. And it would be great if I didn’t have to walk half a mile just to print one thing. I’ve heard there are fancy schools where teachers actually have printers right in their classrooms. But I don’t know, Santa. That sounds like a myth to me.
2. More recess
This might sound like I’m using one of my wishes for the kids, but that’s only partly true. Yes, they want and need more time to run and play and socialize. It makes them happier and healthier. And that makes my job easier. Besides, the chance to burn off some energy also helps them stay focused in class, and that might land a few more kids on the nice list. But please, Santa, can you arrange this extra recess so that my teacher buddies and I don’t have extra recess duty?
3. A decorator
I’m not asking for a Pinterest-perfect classroom. But it’s December, and I’m still featuring my Welcome To Our Class bulletin board that I slapped together in August. I wouldn’t mind a little color, some seasonal cheer, maybe a few plants that aren’t mostly dead. Hey! Do you know anyone who could feng shui my classroom? You know, arrange the desks so that my learning space is an oasis of peace and tranquility? Or how about a Marie Kondo style decorator? Because if I’m being honest, there is a lot of stuff in my room that does not spark joy. But who has the time to go through all their supplies and toss out approximately 12,000 broken crayons and dried-up markers? I can barely find time to empty the pencil sharpener. Speaking of…
4. A silent pencil sharpener
So help me if one more kid gets up and sticks a pencil in that infernal contraption while I am talking, I will lose my mind. I know. I know. Pencils break. Sitting still is hard. Kids need to stretch their legs. There are a lot of totally valid reasons kids really, really need to sharpen their pencil right in the middle of my lesson. Whatever. But my pencil sharpener sounds like a sawmill. How is it possible that my students can instantly access information from sources all over the globe, but no one has come up with a pencil sharpener that doesn’t sound like the person using it should be wearing a flannel and steel toed work boots?
5. An in-house coffee bar
There’s coffee and then there’s cahhhhhfee. Some days, the stuff I bring from home just doesn’t cut it. I need a mocha latte or a caramel macchiato, something with extra whip cream. Oh! And frappes and iced-coffees too, please. Perhaps a little biscotti? Maybe some pastries? Look, Santa, I’ve sent three kids to college already, and I know that there’s a Starbucks kiosk outside of practically every classroom. I’m just asking for the same level of convenience that my 18-year-old receives. But don’t forget, I’m not asking you for a pay raise, so I’m going to need Starbucks-level coffee at teacher-level prices—like free.
6. Temperature control
No matter what the season or where I set my thermostat, my classroom seems to have two temperatures—polar ice-cap or surface of the sun. I’m just saying, it will be easier to enjoy my iced and hot caffeinated beverages if you can fix the temperature situation too.
7. Snow!
I know this isn’t on every teachers’ wish lists, but I live in the South. One flake and we close the doors. It’s our consolation for all the times we have to do playground duty at the beginning of the year when it’s still 1000 degrees outside. On second thought, can you please send snow and also convince admin that civilization as we know it will not come to a grinding halt if kids get a few days off to play in the snow. No need for virtual lessons.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read this, Santa. While this list is by no means exhaustive, these things would really brighten my year. I know you’ll do your best.
Thank you, again, and if you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Best wishes,
The Teacher in Room 243
