Real Talk
If you have turned on Netflix in the last month, chances are you’ve seen Adolescence—the gripping four-part docuseries that’s taken the platform by storm. It follows the heartbreaking story of 13-year-old Jaime, a boy who is arrested for the murder of his classmate, Katie.
But this isn’t your typical whodunit. The series reveals the killer early on, shifting the focus to a more unsettling and thought-provoking question: Why did it happen? This approach has sparked powerful conversations among parents, educators, and caregivers. Thank goodness.
Adolescence is a must-watch for anyone who works with or cares about kids. It opens the door to critical discussions around bullying, social isolation, rejection, and the all-too-common violence directed at young girls. It is a cry for help that we must hear.
Is Adolescence a true story?
The tragic story of Jaime is not based on a real-life incident. Instead, the creators, Steven Graham and Jack Thorne, were inspired by the increase in knife crimes committed by young boys against girls.
Graham, who also plays Jaime’s father, Eddie, told Netflix, “We could have made a drama about gangs and knife crime, or about a kid whose mother is an alcoholic or whose father is a violent abuser. Instead, we wanted you to look at this family and think, ‘My God. This could be happening to us!’ And what’s happening here is an ordinary family’s worst nightmare.”
Why Adolescence hits so hard
The digital age has rewritten the rules of growing up, and as parents it’s easy to feel one step behind. Adolescence doesn’t offer clean answers or easy villains. That’s precisely what makes it so powerful. You can’t point to a single moment where everything suddenly went wrong. Jaime’s father is flawed, yes—he has a temper—but he’s also present, trying, doing what many parents consider “enough.” And that’s what stings the most. It feels familiar. It feels possible. And it feels real.
The generational gap we can’t ignore
One of the pivotal moments in Adolescence comes when private photos of Katie are leaked online. Jaime, who already sees himself as unattractive and invisible, misreads the situation. In his loneliness and desperation, he convinces himself that now vulnerable Katie might finally see him as someone worth noticing. Instead, she publicly rejects and humiliates him.
Katie uses a string of seemingly random emojis in her comments on Instagram to demean Jaime: a clown face, a stick of dynamite, and the “100” symbol. The unsettling power of this moment is amplified when even the lead detective, Bascombe, fails to comprehend the meaning behind these symbols. It’s not until his own son—who is also a student at the school—explains that they are references to being an incel (involuntary celibate) and part of the manosphere (the idea that 80% of women are only attracted to the top 20% of men).
Because of the extreme rejection felt by young males, manosphere and incel cultures target young men on social media and incite violence toward females. Parents and caregivers are often oblivious to social media exploitation and messages of toxic masculinity and misogyny. We can’t be any longer.
Online grooming and bullying are rampant.
In past generations, we could leave name-calling and bullying on the playground and at school. Now, because of the worldwide addiction to phones and social media, bullies follow young adults everywhere they go. There is no escape.
Pre-teens and teens are being coerced into sending nudes and sometimes even being sextorted. One in seven 9-17 year-olds say they have already shared nudes, and a quarter of this age group says they have had a sexual interaction over the internet and think it’s normal to do so, says Melissa Stroebel, VP of Research & Insights at Thorn.
The beliefs of young social media influencers are shaping the minds of our children, often in ways we don’t realize until it’s too late. Before watching Adolescence, I had never even heard of the manosphere. But it’s real, it’s global, and it’s growing fast.
The manosphere is a sprawling online network of influencers, forums, and communities that promote male supremacy, misogyny, and anti-feminist ideologies. Wrapped in humor, memes, and “self-improvement” language, this toxic content targets young, impressionable boys, giving them a false sense of empowerment.
As we watched Adolescence, the heart of this movement is a dangerous lie: that violence against women is understandable, even justified, when boys are hurt or rejected. We cannot allow that message to take root in the minds of our youth. We must act now.
What can be done?
The most heart wrenching moment of Adolescence comes at the very end, when Jaime’s father quietly enters his son’s bedroom. He lays down in his child’s bed, overwhelmed by the weight of what’s been lost—not just his son, but the chance to protect him, guide him, see him. He clutches a teddy bear and whispers an apology, raw with regret: for what he didn’t know, for what he didn’t say, and for the ways he unknowingly failed his child.
It’s a moment that stays with you. Because it’s not just about one father—it’s about all of us.
To prevent these tragedies and our regret, we must create environments where children feel seen, heard, and supported. It takes a village, and, as caregivers, here’s how we can start:
1. Create safe spaces for emotional expression.
Boys especially are often taught to suppress their feelings. Schools and families must normalize conversations about emotions (sadness, loneliness, rejection, anger) and teach that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
2. Teach digital literacy and online empathy.
For us to teach digital literacy, we must first understand it. Learn the emojis and popular lingo. We can’t turn the other way and believe that our kids are OK and wouldn’t do anything inappropriate online. Children need help decoding the online world.
Teach them to recognize harmful ideologies and memes that can be hurtful or violent. Set healthy boundaries around internet use, especially at night, when kids are more vulnerable to isolation and online manipulation.
Predators and radical content often thrive in these late hours, targeting teens who are feeling lonely, angry, or unseen. Protecting them means limiting access and staying engaged in where they go online, who they’re talking to, and how they’re feeling. It’s not an invasion of privacy to keep your kids safe
3. Explicitly address gender respect and boundaries.
We can’t assume kids understand consent, respect, or the subtle ways gender-based violence starts. These topics must be addressed early and often—not just in “health class” but in everyday conversations. Teach kids how to set boundaries, respect others’ bodies and choices, and call out misogynistic behavior when they see it.
4. Give kids language for rejection and conflict.
So many tragedies stem from romantic, social, or emotional rejection. Help kids name those feelings and develop healthy ways to cope. Role-play conversations, discuss times you felt left out, and model emotional resilience. And for goodness sake, let your kids fail. This is where they learn how to handle disappointment. Don’t pick up the pieces for them.
5. Be present—really present!
It’s not just kids who are addicted to their phones. Parents are. Teachers are. We ALL are. Unplugging is the best thing we can do for our kids.
Let’s be interested in our kids’ lives, not our Facebook friends. Get curious about the music they listen to, the videos they watch, and the influencers they admire. Don’t judge; ask questions. Build trust so that they come to you instead of the internet when they’re struggling.
Let’s watch Adolescence—together.
Don’t wait for a crisis to take action. Adolescence gives us a starting point to talk to our kids about their experiences. Ask them how boys and girls treat each other where they go to school. Talk about bullying, rejection, popularity, and most importantly, feelings. Have honest, uncomfortable, and necessary dialogue.
Don’t let a teddy bear be the last thing you kiss goodnight.
