Teachers might be the authority in the classroom, but deep down inside they really want their students to like them. This is a great goal, but you are not there to be buddies with your students. You are there to teach them what they need to know to be successful throughout their school years and beyond. That doesn’t mean that you need to accept a career filled with kids who hate your guts. Establish yourself as a caring, supportive teacher and your students will respond by caring about and respecting you in return. Get started with these 11 tips from teachers who have achieved the holy grail of having both – being both respected and liked by their students.

1. Be consistent: there is comfort in routine.

Strict isn't your goal. Consistency in your expectations and boundaries is the important thing. You need to train your students to understand what those expectations are, and you need to consistently hold them to them. Also, who cares if they like you?

Consistency doesn’t have to be strict or mean. There is comfort in routine. Outline your expectations and then follow through. Your students will adapt to your routine and enjoy knowing what’s expected of them, which will, in turn, encourage them to respect you and maybe even like you.

2. Your priority is to create a safe, structured classroom environment.

I've been teaching for 12 years. I think I am generally well-liked. My priorities are always: (1) Safety, (2) Structure, (3) Engagement, (4) Choices. If I provide students that then I feel they will develop and grow naturally. You're in the wrong profession if you want to be liked and validated consistently! Many kids won't like you because you are merely the most physically proximate face of the oppressive government system that forces them to go into a rigid school structure every day. You are the face of the government to them, and many of them will just always resist that. (I'm a public school teacher). You will notice that as much as I enjoy curriculum planning and lesson planning, sticking to the syllabus and curriculum concerns are not a big priority. The longer you teacher, you will realize how much of the curriculum is just theater for all the other intangibles they will learn (like relationships and self-discipline).

Your priority is not to be BFFs with your students. Your priority is to create a safe, structured classroom environment. If your students know your classroom is a safe place to learn and be creative, they are more likely to come to class prepared and ready to listen, which are signs that they like you.

3. Don’t use bribery to convince them to behave.

My mentor teacher had a saying

It can be very tempting to offer your students candy or trinkets as a way to convince them to behave. The ultimate goal would be to set your expectations and then expect your students to rise up and meet them simply because that’s what they need to do. Students who understand this will respect you so much more than a teacher who has to give kids treats to get them to behave. Kids will love the candy, but they won’t like you much.

4. Building relationships makes your job easier and more enjoyable.

Forming good relationships with my students makes my job easier and more enjoyable. That looks different for every teacher, but I think it's an important part of the job. That doesn't mean that every student will like me, though. Some students will think I push them too hard, some will get aggravated when I have to reprimand them, some will just find me annoying. It's part of the job. As long as, on the whole, I have a good rapport with my classes, then I don't let it get to me.

When you build a mutually respectful relationship with students, it makes your job easier. Just don’t fall into the trap of thinking that a relationship means every student likes you. You might be able to get students to respect you because of the relationship, but that doesn’t mean they like you. Get over that. The relationship is more important than whether every student likes you or not. 

5. Be yourself: let your personality show in your classroom.

Don't be the teacher that is concerned about being liked. Be you. If they like you, great. If they don't, great. As long as they respect you, you treat them with equal respect, and are FAIR, things tend to at least stay friendly. I emphasize a business relationship and fairness.

Be the teacher you were trained to be. Let your personality show a bit in your classroom. Just as with every aspect of life, some people will like the real you and some won’t. That’s OK. As long as you go into your classroom everyday dedicated to making a difference, most of your students will end up liking the real you.

6. Treat them like important humans no matter their age.

When I look across my high school classroom, I envision them as the people they will become- my bank teller, my dry cleaner, my doctor, my mail man and I treat them as the people who are creating the world. Positive regard and squishy firm boundaries works for me. My reputation is good school wide.

Just like teachers want to be treated with respect, children of any age want the same. Look at your students as if they hold the potential to change the world, wonder what awesome people they will become, and then treat them like they are world-changers. Who wouldn’t like a teacher who is so excited about their future?

7. Don’t try to be the cool teacher.

It's just like when you were a kid. If you're trying to be cool, you're obviously a fake and it shows. Be authentic. Respect kids and get respect back. Treat them like people. To be honest it takes so little effort, all I do is listen when they talk and be interested in who they are. And somehow that makes me the 'cool' teacher despite being a total dorkwad that has nothing in common with them. They'll ask, 'are we friends?' and I say no, I'm your teacher. Just show them you care about them as people and nearly all of them will respect you as a person, and nobody has to 'like' anyone! They're in there for a job just like you are.

Nothing makes a kid laugh harder than an adult trying to be “cool.” You don’t need to be up on the latest slang and fashion trends to convince students to like you. As an authentic adult who cares more about the students than about being “cool,” you are more likely to be respected and liked.

8. Find something to like about each and EVERY student.

Liking you is not the important thing but you do need to find something about each one that you like. They will be able to tell if you don't like them and you won't make any progress with them. Even with my roughest students, I will always look for something to like about them.

It can be hard to find something to like about each student. Some students are just hard to enjoy. But when you make the effort to do so, it will be more probable that they will like you. Students just want to be valued by their teachers, just as we want them to appreciate us.

9. Remember kids don’t need a friend, they need a good teacher.

I suppose it's important to me that they see me as a good teacher, which to me is a bit different than being liked. I have some kids who are probably very annoyed with me sometimes when I have to give detentions or other discipline, but it's those kids that I still want to be able to say I'm a good teacher.

That’s what kids need. They don’t need another friend. They need a teacher who shows up every day dedicated to teaching them what they need to know. Kids like good teachers. Don’t worry about being liked; worry about what you can do to be a good teacher to your students. The liking will follow.

10. Follow through

Two things I have learned from veteran teachers that have always stuck with me:

Students can’t respect a teacher that says one thing and does something different. Even if you regret promising something, follow through. You will be both respected and liked when students learn they can trust your word.

11. Command respect

You cannot be liked if you are not first respected. The teachers who let the kids do whatever they want, who enforce no rules, allow them to just be on their phones all the time, etc, may be

Establish your rules, tell them to your students, and then enforce them religiously. You are not being mean when you do this! Once students realize that you love them enough to expect respect, they will realize that they do like you in addition to respecting you.