On March 11th the World Health Organization officially declared the Coronavirus a pandemic. I remember sitting at my desk at the time, my students were engaged in a partner activity I had assigned. I had just managed to sit down when I saw the notification flash across on my computer as “Breaking News!” I’ll never forget that moment, as I felt dread and an overwhelming sense of helplessness and shock course through my body. I let my head slip into my hands and silently cursed to myself. The words “Oh no…” slipped out of my mouth, and one of my students looked up at me. Her smile quickly faded, as she asked: “What’s wrong Miss Paredes? Are you ok?” I tried to wipe the grim look on my face and smiled back at her. “Yes, I am okay. Everything will be okay.” We didn’t know it at the time, that only two days later, schools across Los Angeles CA would be forced to transition into remote learning. We didn’t realize that that moment, was one of the last times we would be together for the academic school year. 

I realize that the coronavirus pandemic has upended life as we currently know it, and I recognize the reality that many teachers are amazing online teachers year-round. I recognize that for many teachers, perhaps this time was a blessing in disguise, perhaps these teachers needed the time away from their students in order to become rejuvenated with the profession they once fell in love with. And I do recognize the fact that all teachers have different circumstances, obstacles, and challenges that are unique to their students, schools, and personal lives. 

However, I write this as a first-year teacher; as a teacher who never imagined herself having to learn how to transform an actual physical curriculum into an online curriculum within the span of two whole days. I write this as a teacher who spent far too many hours lesson planning, grading, and thinking of new and creative ways to challenge my students-long into the night. I write this as a teacher who simply thought she had more time with her first very own class. 

So, in no particular order, here are the struggles and thoughts that plague me day and night, since we have transitioned into “remote learning.”

1. Remote Learning is Unjust

I work in a school setting where nearly 90% of the school consists of English learners, which simply means that English is not the first language of the majority of our school families. Additionally, several of my students did not have access to their own technology devices prior to the pandemic; 10 out of the 19 students I have in my 4th grade class have had to borrow a Chromebook from my classroom to use during this remote learning time. Additionally, some students do not have strong internet access-causing their screens to freeze as I try and communicate or teach them a lesson during our daily ZOOM calls. So, is this equitable? Is it fair that some students with better reception receive my instruction, while others who have spotty connections are unable to receive my instruction? Is this fair? If you ask me, remote learning is unjust.

2. How is their mental health? 

Despite the abundance of informative articles I have read, and despite how grateful I am to be safe, healthy, and have a wonderful family to be with during this time period, I am still a person who has battled a variety of mental health issues throughout my life. As a child, I personally suffered from extreme anxiety, and still do to this very day. And if I am an adult who is struggling, how are my students coping during this tumultuous time? Will they suffer from long-term posttraumatic stress? Will they ever be able to trust their school system again? Will they ever be able to know what a world was like before “social distancing?” 

3. What happened to some of my students?

I have seen the jokes and the memes about the two types of students during this time: those who have completed every single assignment, and those who have yet to log-in to a computer once. However, my heart aches for these students who have yet to log-in. Are they okay? Are they ill? Has one of their parents become infected with the virus? Are they caring for younger siblings or other family members?

After finally managing to get into contact with one of my students who had not logged onto a computer, or checked their email for two weeks, I pushed school to the side and asked him what had happened and if he was okay. My student then apologized and said he had been going to work with his dad, at the construction site his dad is currently working on. He explained that he had to wake up at 5 am and spend the day working with his dad, to help complete the project, and get paid. My 9-year-old student was busy working and was therefore unable to complete his assignments on time. Let that sink in. 

4. How is this going to impact their learning overall?

As a first-year teacher, I will be honest to admit that I have had selfish concerns over this pandemic. Given how much my students were able to grow academically throughout the first half of the year, I struggle with accepting the reality that online learning is simply not the same as in-person learning. Will this time negatively impact all they were able to accomplish and learn throughout the time we did have together? Will they forget how to effectively analyze a text? Will they forget to answer using complete sentences without my repeated oral reminders? 

I chose to teach, because I loved and admired the teachers I had growing up. I loved how they pushed me and encouraged me to do my best every single day. I didn’t choose this profession for the money-let me tell you, there isn’t much of that. I chose this profession because I wanted to share my love and my passion for education. It is not their fault that a global pandemic completely changed their lives overnight. 

So yes, this situation is heartbreaking to me, just as so many teachers have already said. However, despite the heartbreak, I will continue to do my best to ensure that each child is as successful as they can be, given the current circumstances of the world. And if that means my students learn the power of positivity and optimism over some state-required standard-then I will still consider myself to be an effective teacher. We will be okay, and we will get through this, even if we didn’t get the chance to say goodbye in person.