LAUGH
Us educators hear an exorbitant amount of hysterical, shocking, and downright ludicrous things from students. Here are the top 20 things that students say that teachers don’t want to hear.
1. I was absent. Did I miss anything important?
We were inconsolable because you were absent, so we decided to cry tears of sorrow and wallow in our misery while staring listlessly into the abyss.
2. Why aren’t you offering extra credit? That seems incredibly rude.
I feel it is rude that you didn’t do any of the actual assignments, so why should I believe you will magically start doing extra credit?
3. My parents believe anything I say. You can tell them whatever you want, but I’m always right.
OH DEAR GOD. What goes on in your household?
4. Miss, why aren’t you married? Do you even have a boyfriend?
No, I have 57 cats and Animal Protection Services is knocking at my door. Stop asking about my personal life and get back to work!
5. What are we doing today in class?
I thought we’d do nothing. Does that work for you?
6. Is this for a grade?
No. I thought I’d give you a written assignment just for funsies. It’s like “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”…everything is made up and the points don’t matter.
7. I didn’t know that was a rule. So I shouldn’t get in trouble.
We’ve been here since September. Are you really using this excuse?
8. Wait… I wasn’t listening to any of that. Can you repeat the whole thing?
You are literally the reason I drink on the weekend.
9. I’m bored. Are we done with this yet?
Dude…we haven’t even started. Look at your life. Look at your choices.
10. What’s the point of learning this? Like, when are we going to actually use it?
I’m following state standards! Take it up with the government, okay?
11. (Teacher hasn’t explained anything yet) I don’t get it…
You didn’t even try! Put some effort into actually listening and you can learn the material.
12. Is it lunch yet?
Sweetheart, it is 9 a.m. You have a very long way to go until lunch.
13. You never said we had a test today.
I said it multiple times, I wrote it on the board, I circled and starred it, and I put it on our website. If you still can’t remember when we have a test, that is on you, boo!
14. She started it!
I don’t have time for this nonsense. Please stop talking before you make this worse for yourself.
15. I wasn’t the only one doing that! Why am I the only one getting punished?
The Lord is testing me.
16. Are you allowed to keep us after the bell? Isn’t that, like, against child labor laws or something?
Believe me…I don’t want my school days to go on any longer than you do!
17. Teachers are so annoying. All they do is give us busy work.
You’re right. All we think about is how we can torture children and how we can best drive them crazy.
18. Can we just nap or have a study hall today?
I wish we could nap as well. But, alas, I am committed to teaching you as much as possible when you are in my clutches, so that is what we are going to do!
19. Can you please not tell my mom about this?
I’m so sorry, but an email is going home ASAP to provide insight about the less than stellar choices you are making today.
20. IS IT SUMMER YET?!
UGH. I WISH. Fingers crossed we both make it to the other side!
