LAUGH
Teaching can be stressful, no doubt, but so far it hasn’t turned us into a collection of homicidal maniacs like our good buddy Joe from the hit show “You.” At least not yet. He and the other characters on the show, however, do give us some pretty good insight into what teaching is really like these days
1. When a student emails you begging for an extension on an assignment… from 6 months ago
Aren’t they adorable? They procrastinate for weeks on end, then have the stones to ask for extra time. And let’s not forget how upset they get when an assignment that took them months to turn in isn’t graded in under 30 seconds. So cute.
2. When you thought you were on good terms with administration, then they dump 5 new kids in your class on a Wednesday
You never quite know where you stand with administration, do you? One day it’s chocolates and coffee during a staff meeting, and the next it’s 17 emails about new procedures they’re putting in place midway through the school year.
3. When you catch a student on their phone for the 574th time
Yes, it often feels like a losing battle when it comes to keeping students off their cell phones, but maybe if we were allowed to carry hammers like Joe we could even the playing field a bit.
4. 5 minutes into any faculty meeting ever
We say it all the time, but only because it’s true. Couldn’t this have been an email? In the endless records of all the staff meetings that have ever been had throughout the history of education, how many of them needed to be in person? Maybe seven?
5. What I start saying to my class during every full moon
It’s a phenomenon that may never fully be explained, but it is definitely a thing. Experienced teachers can smell a full moon coming from a mile away. Then we all just hold it together as best we can until the nightmare passes.
6. When students wonder why they’re failing your class after turning in one of their 13 missing assignments
Is it wishful thinking on their part or a complete lack of understanding of the finer points of mathematics? Either way, every term ends with a student who has a 27% and thinks that handing in a homework assignment from two months ago will magically turn their grade into a C.
7. When the last student boards the last bus on the last day of school
It doesn’t matter what grade level you teach or how good your classes were. Seeing the last of them leave means it’s vacation time, and that is better than any day in the classroom.
8. When admin schedules impromptu professional development
At what point have we, as professionals, developed enough? I’m feeling pretty developed at this point, aren’t you? Can educators ever reach a point of being overdeveloped? Is that a thing? I feel like that is definitely a thing.
9. When a student spends way too much time on one problem, finally comes up with an answer and it is wildly incorrect
You definitely don’t want to discredit the effort this kid put into their assignment, but sometimes they are so amazingly off-base you just need to grit your teeth, force a smile and let them know that they get partial credit for trying.
10. When you haven’t had a chance to update your gradebook because students won’t stop asking why you haven’t updated the gradebook yet
Imagine all the tasks teachers could accomplish if we weren’t constantly being asked about how long it’ll take us to accomplish the task we’re currently in the middle of trying to accomplish?
11. When students say you never taught them something that was on the test, but you totally did, they just weren’t listening
This also applies to students who walk into your classroom and will straight up tell you that their teacher from last year (who is your best teacher buddy) taught them absolutely nothing all year long. They know that we all talk about them once they’ve left for the day, right?
12. No matter where an elementary teacher goes, there always seems to be someone right behind them
Our adorable little shadows. No matter where we go or what we’re doing, there’s always one directly behind us with a “very important” question. That question is usually something like “What’s your 3rd favorite color?” but to them that is high priority!
13. When students come begging you to change their grade, despite the fact they haven’t done any work all quarter
Ah, the mournful cry of the student who realizes far too late that their actions have consequences. Of course that realization rarely carries over to the next term and nine weeks later they’ll end up in the exact same position, but one of these days hopefully it’ll sink in.
14. When you look at the calendar and realize you’re still a few months away from summer
The first half of the school year is thankfully broken up by the odd 3-day weekend or holiday break, but once Winter Break has come to an end…boy howdy is it ever a long grind. And once you come back from Spring Break, it’s a slow long march to the finish line.
15. Trying to get students to focus on their government-issued state assessments
No big deal right? These tests just determine teacher salaries, bonuses, school funding, district funding, not to mention bragging rights amongst the other schools in the area. Nothing to worry about, just the financial future of our entire educational system hinging on whether or not little Johnny can solve this word problem or not.
16. When students don’t believe you’ll actually call home… and then you do
While for some students, the mere threat of a phone call home is enough to curb just about any behavior in the book, some others need a bit more convincing. The look of shock and awe on their faces when they show up the next day never gets old, does it?
17. When students are surprised that the assignment they put no effort on ends up in the gradebook
So you thought that the work we do in the classroom is just for fun? I guess the better question is, why wouldn’t I grade something that I assigned to you? Isn’t that kind of the whole point of school work?
18. When a parent makes excuses for their child’s behavior in a parent-teacher conference
Quick question to all those lawnmower parents out there: How is this helping? You do realize that one day your child is going to have to fend for themselves, right? Coddling them may feel good now, but it’s going to hurt real bad down the road.
19. When the school’s tech coordinator fixes the color printer for the 7th time this year
Truly, where would we be without our the tech people at our schools? They show up with their bag of tricks, and like Dumbledore waving his magic wand, suddenly everything works again. How do they do that?
20. When it’s Monday morning and someone asks you how your weekend was
The weeks may drag on forever, but once Friday afternoon hits it’s like someone hit the fast-forward button on your life. Before you know it, it’s Sunday evening and you’re wondering where the time went and if you even bothered to plan for what lies ahead Monday morning.
21. When someone comes into your room to ask you a question during your planning period
During your planning period your classroom is like the fortress of solitude. Your one chance during the day to take a break, take a seat and reset. And yet it seems that whenever you need that break the most, that’s when someone feels the need to barge in and disrupt your peaceful moment of tranquility.
22. When a student launches into an excuse and you are not having it
Look guys, we’ve heard it all. Every excuse in the book. Mostly because when we were students we ran most of these same excuses past our teachers, who also knew not to buy them. Sure some of the details may change, but a good teacher can sniff out an excuse from a mile away and work on getting a more truthful response the second time around.
23. When a student finally grasps a concept you’ve been working on all week
There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as when that light bulb goes off in a student’s brain and it all comes together. Those moments may be few and far between sometimes, but they are what makes this job so darn special.
