LAUGH
Just as the holiday table is full of lots of good eats, it takes all kinds of teachers to run a school. Which holiday food are you?
1. Egg Nog
The teacher who agrees to cover your duty but then forgets. Always late, desk is a mess, never grades a thing until the day grades are due. Still, lovable in a “oh, Egg Nog!” sort of way. Gets more likable with bourbon.
2. Turkey
Dry sense of humor. Never misses a day. The focal point of the table (ahem, the staff) because you always know what you’re going to get. Steady, dependable and no theatrics.
3. Stuffing
Super smart. Expert in their field. This person usually teaches Math, History or Science. They genuinely want everyone to do well but also have little patience for how you got here without knowing what you should know. Hangs out with the turkey because they’re also here to get things done.
4. Cranberry Sauce
This teacher really breaks the mold. See what we did there? He or she is vibrant, funny and a student favorite. They can easily move from leading a classroom to cracking jokes in the hallway. Everyone loves the cranberry sauce.
5. Sweet Potato Casserole
Oh, this one’s the talker. If you get stuck with them by the mailboxes or in the teacher’s lounge, you’re not going anywhere for at least ten minutes. They’ll tell you about their partner’s surgery, what their kid did this weekend and about that parent-teacher conference they arranged because they felt it would help but nothing has really changed since then.
6. Green Bean Casserole
Is pursuing a master’s, National Boards or some other higher education at all times. Leads school professional development. Department chair. Actually attends school board meetings and is on the PTO of their school and that of their children.
7. Candy Cane
Often mistaken for a student. Wears the lastest trends, hangs out in the front office a lot and is friends with everyone on Facebook. Enthusiastic about pep rallies, homecoming, and prom. Basically, just became a teacher because they miss school.
8. Hot Chocolate
A warm sense of humor, loves hugs, gives everyone a Christmas card and seems visibly hurt each time they don’t win Staff Member of the Month. Remembers your birthday. Is “work mom” to Candy Cane.
9. Pumpkin
This teacher volunteers for everything and shows up everywhere. Needs a lot of praise and recognition. Always has their s*** together. Pumpkin pies, pumpkin spiced lattes, muffins–extra car duty, club leader, PLC lead. They’re everywhere and you better notice.
10. Fruit Cake
No one is really sure what this teacher is doing anymore. They’re well past retirement and don’t really follow the current rules, pedagogy, or expectations. Still, they persist. School just wouldn’t be the same without them and they’re tough as nails. Would likely survive a nuclear blast.
11. Gingerbread
This teacher is new on the scene so waivers quickly from student bestie to strict disciplinarian. A little spicy but also sweet. Cries a lot. This teacher means well but just has a lot to learn.
12. Mince Pies
Does highly questionable things and no one understands how they still have a job. If you walk by their classroom, students are on cell phones or asleep. They haven’t attended a meeting since 1998. They’re boldly defiant but no one calls them on it.
Read: 14 Types of Teachers You’re Sure to Find in Any School
