LAUGH
Teachers are walking verbs, usually doing multiple things at the same time. Here’s a list of made-up verbs that every teacher is sure to be familiar with!
1. Hanitize
To cover every square inch of your fingers, palms, and forearms with an inch-thick layer of hand sanitizer. A ritual that most students feel the need to perform at least 10 times a day.
“I need to buy a case of hand sanitizer, my students were hanitizing again.”
2. Peesqueeze
To tighten every muscle in your body in an attempt to keep yourself from peeing in the middle of class. This technique is one of the first skills teachers learn, and eventually master.
“I peesqueezed for about 2 hours yesterday until my students went to lunch.”
3. Scribblesquint
To stare at an assignment, squint your eyes and attempt to decipher what the student was attempting to say, because their handwriting is beyond horrible. Every teacher has that one student they are convinced is writing in hieroglyphics.
“I had to scribblesquint so much while reading Bobby’s essay, I now have a migraine.”
4. Disappencil
To make a pencil disappear, sending it to an alternate dimension from whence it will never return. Every child is born knowing how to dissapencil, and there appears to be no known cure.
“I just gave you a pencil 5 minutes ago, where did it go? Did you dissapencil again?”
5. Confersnooze
To slip into a state of unconsciousness during a staff meeting, usually because it’s so boring and nothing important is being said.
“That meeting was so boring I confersnoozed for about 15 minutes. Did I miss anything?”
“No, no you did not.”
6. Vacompute (VAY-com-pyoot)
To mentally count down the days, hours, minutes, seconds until the next school vacation. Teachers are naturally excellent at vacomputing especially when it comes to calculating how much time is left before the end of the school year.
“Can you vacompute how many days are left until the end of the year?”
“35 days, 5 hours and 14 minutes.”
7. Pagexhaust (PAYJ -ex-awst)
To feel worn out and exhausted from having to repeatedly remind students what page we are currently on.
“Guys for the 17th time, we’re on page 318. Now I’m pagexhausted!”
8. Disciplimourn
To feel a great amount of regret when you discipline the students because it just ends up making more work for you in the end.
“The students were off the wall the other day, so I assigned them an essay. Now I’m disciplimourning because I have to grade them all.”
9. Foodget (food-GET)
When you get ready to sit down and finally enjoy your lunch, then realize you have a million other things to do and completely forget your food exists.
“There I was ready to enjoy my sandwich, but I got pulled into a meeting and completely foodgot again.”
10. Edujuggle
To simultaneously teach multiple children on multiple learning levels while making sure everyone is safe, secure and having all of their needs met.
“Teaching is exhausting because I have to edujuggle all day long, but it’s very rewarding.”
Other articles you’ll love:
20 Vocabulary Words That Only Make Sense to Teachers
