LAUGH
Suffice to say that you’re lucky if you score a date with a single teacher. There are so many good qualities that a teacher of any subject has that will shine through if you make it far enough to start actually dating. Congratulations, because in many ways, you’ve hit the relationship jackpot.
That said, there are some things you can expect about that single teacher you’re so into.
Find the subject they teach below and figure out what they’ll be like at work, at home, and (if things work out) how they’ll act when you go out together.
1. Language Arts Teacher
At work, the language arts teacher is friendly, but usually too busy to be personable. They’re too focused on the 200 papers waiting to be graded on their desk.
At home, they’ll show you how creative, insightful, and intelligent they can be. But you’ll also find that if they’re one thing, they’re exhausted. Expect a lot of weekend naps in your future.
And if you want to know what they’re like on a night out, that’s a bummer, because they probably won’t even make it. They’re typically asleep by 7:30 pm every Friday night during the school year.
2. Math Teacher
At work, the math teacher and the language arts teacher lead similar lives. Unless you also teach math, don’t expect to get to know them well during school hours.
At home, you’ll discover they have a very logical brain, and you’ll appreciate their ability to rationalize things most can’t. There’s a good chance they’ll be much smarter than you, so prepare for your ego to be bruised regularly. They’re likely good at hiding how competitive they are, so don’t be surprised when they scream “booyah!” after humiliating you at Scrabble.
And at a party, they will show up to be polite, but will also be the first to leave because they’re bored. Parties probably aren’t their scene.
3. Science Teacher
At work, the science teacher can be found collaborating with other science teachers on next week’s lessons. A science teacher is rarely more than an arm’s length away from another science teacher. Even when they wander the hallways alone, expect them to always be bubbly, and accompanied by a large, rolling cart full of random papers and supplies.
At home, expect at least one corner of their apartment to be packed with plastic recyclables and old newspapers. Don’t be alarmed; this is their treasure trove for classroom experiments. It’s November, and those experiments aren’t scheduled until April, but they can never be too prepared.
And if you party together, expect them to constantly be socializing. Their inquisitive nature will almost always lead to them asking questions about something. Be prepared to learn a lot of things about their colleagues or friends that you didn’t want to know.
4. Social Studies Teacher
At work, social studies teachers naturally do one thing better than everyone else in the building — they treat teaching like the job that it is. Expect them to have the best work-life balance of any other faculty member.
At home, they’ll lead a surprisingly normal, down-to-earth life. This is one of the few subjects you won’t be forced to feign interest about at home, but you won’t be exempt from hearing about their trouble students, either.
And at a party, expect them to simply go with the flow and always adapt to the people and vibes of the party.
5. Art Teacher
At work, the art teacher can usually be found in the breakroom, using their hands to describe their current unit on abstract expressionist paintings inspired by Jackson Pollock to another electives teacher, who will be nodding politely but have no idea what they’re talking about. There’s a 99% chance that if they aren’t there, they’ll be in their classroom, washing something in the sink.
At home, expect their apartment walls to be decorated with at least 2 tapestries and the kitchen counter to be home to many different flavors of rooibos tea.
At a party, just accept that they’ll show up at least 30 minutes later than everyone else. And for some reason, be wearing overalls.
6. Physical Education Teacher
At work, the physical education teacher is not one to mess with. They’re kind people, but in all likelihood, they also coach at least one sport. As such, their voice can reach a volume that pierces your eardrums, and they’re very comfortable putting students in their place when they act out.
At home, you should know that they’re going to be strangely competitive about obscure things. No, you didn’t brush your teeth better than they did. Also, you better hope you’re in shape before you start dating. They’re going to want to hike, bike and run whenever possible. Start stretching.
And when you two party together, expect them to announce to the whole group that their team is 10-0 at pong and that they’re accepting new challengers, but only “if they think they can handle it”.
7. Foreign Language Teacher
At work, the foreign language teacher can be found scouring the internet for cheap flights during their lunch period, possibly checking the Chase mobile app to see if they can stretch what’s left of last month’s paycheck into an impromptu trip.
Home is such an “American” concept to them. Don’t expect them to be there much.
And at a party, it’s likely that they’ll either be A) Teaching a group of drunk guys how to say “I’ll have 2 beers, please” in Spanish, or B) Telling anyone who will listen, how they must go to the Amalfi coast this summer, or how much better the “
8. Music Teacher
At work, they’re by far the most patient and flexible people in the building. Anyone who can listen to countless children learning to play instruments day-in and day-out deserves a tall glass of anything they want at the end of the day. They’re organized, down-to-Earth, and generally easy to get along with, both with their students and with other staff. But don’t ever insinuate that music is not an important subject or you’ll see their other side!
At home, if they’re not out catching local gigs or open-mic nights, they’re rushing straight to their vintage record player, Alexa, or Spotify, to wind down to their favorite jams. You can be sure you won’t have to listen to the gossip of their daily routine, but you better enjoy listening to all kinds of music.
And at a party, you can be sure they’re volunteering to control the playlist. That is if they didn’t bring along their own instrument, in hopes other musicians show up, and a flash jam session breaks out in the middle of everything. If the party gets too rowdy, you can find them up on the roof listening to the harmony of the night sounds.
9. Special Education Teacher
The “wildcard” of single teachers, special educators have the unique ability to shift shape and take on multiple personas at work and home. It may take a few dates to see this, but you essentially may not know what you’re getting into until after you’re dating.
At work, they’re the most caring and patient person in the building. Often seen in the hallways working with a student 1-on-1, you’ll rarely find them not engaged in something.
At home, you can expect their refrigerator to be covered top to bottom with pictures and letters from students.
And at a party, well… The special education teacher is most likely the one taking shots on a table screaming, “woo!” They can time the pauses in the chorus of “Don’t Stop Believing” with 100% accuracy. The ringleader of the single female staff, they will routinely coordinate and convince other, less boisterous colleagues to go out on Friday night, even if they are exhausted from school.
They’re the most patient teachers of them all, but they’re also probably the wildest of the bunch. Tread carefully.
This article was written by Ben Kissam — a middle school teacher and high-performance coach. He helps professionals achieve goals, perform better, and find work-life balance. Check him out on his website.
