Real Talk
The English language is ever-changing. This is why few people still say things like swell, golly gee, and totally tubular. Some words and phrases go out of style, and others change in meaning over time. For example, the word awesome used to be reserved to describe things like mountain ranges or tsunamis. Now we use it to describe a really tasty pizza. Perfect once described only things considered extraordinary and upon which there could be no improvement. Now it’s a response to the simplest question…Are you finished with the copier? Yes, I am. Okay, perfect…You get the idea. Language changes with each new generation. And that’s fine. Still, some words that seem almost interchangeable convey vastly different meanings. Helping our students understand the differences between certain word pairs could make our lives (and theirs) much easier. Here are some words we often have to clarify for our students.
Advocating vs. Arguing
Sometimes when parents are told that their child argues too much in class, they respond with, Well, we’ve raised her to speak up for herself. Of course, we all want children to be confident and well-spoken enough to express their needs and (some of) their opinions, but there’s a huge difference between politely expressing a need or respectfully sharing a differing idea and badgering a teacher until she wants to jam erasers in her ears.
Enthusiasm vs. Chaos
This is a tough one. I want my students to be engaged, share ideas, and respond eagerly during class discussions. I do not want them shouting out the answers (or whatever other thoughts come into their heads), or jumping up and down and falling out of their chairs to be called on. How do we get them to calm down but still be super excited to participate? Like I said, this is a tough one.
Ribbing vs. Harassing
We’ve all seen it. What started as a good-natured joke about someone’s favorite NBA team or who they have a crush on suddenly escalates into a pile-on situation. Suddenly half the class is relentlessly teasing some poor kid–often a kid who is well-liked and not usually a target. This can be a tricky situation because sometimes having a teacher come to your defense is worse than the teasing. That’s why it’s a good idea to clarify the difference between the words ribbing and harassing before it’s necessary.
Meanness vs. Bullying
Bullying is serious. But every teacher knows that not every instance of unkind behavior constitutes bullying. Intentionally hurting someone’s feelings is mean. Continually targeting the same person in a mean way is bullying. Because bullying is so serious, kids need to know the difference. An adult does not need to be involved every time someone says or does something mean. However, bullying should always be reported to a teacher or counselor.
Being Rowdy vs. Being Aggressive
Not everyone will agree with this one. There might be some who say rowdy play has no place in school. But, especially for boys, a bit of rough and tumble at recess can be a great way to burn off energy and frustration. Unfortunately, rowdiness can quickly turn to aggression if students don’t have clear boundaries and plenty of opportunities to let off steam in healthy ways. Setting boundaries that clarify the expectations for play can help prevent hurt bodies and hurt feelings—most of the time.
Obedience vs. Cooperation
For some reason, obedience has become a taboo word in our culture. No one expects kids to obey their teachers and parents anymore. We expect them to cooperate. But cooperation implies some sort of agreement or compromise.
We see this in the way kids are parented and the way we run our classrooms. We don’t have rules – we have expectations. Hoping to get kids to meet our expectations, we bribe and cajole, and we talk about making good choices. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, these are good ways to motivate students toward positive behaviors.
Certainly, no one wants a classroom full of little robots who, out of fear, jump at our every command. But have we let the pendulum swing too far in the direction of positive reinforcement so that kids now think obedience is optional? It’s okay if kids obey sometimes, not because they want a treat or because they understand the reason for the rule, but just because the teacher said so.
Being Yourself vs. Being Obnoxious
We’ve all known kids (and adults) who shrug off glaring flaws by proudly stating, “Well, that’s just who I am!” There’s the teenager who loses her temper too loudly and too often, the kid who can’t remember to bring supplies or homework to class, or the coworker who has an opinion that she just has to express about everything and everybody. Maybe there’s not much we can do about an obnoxious coworker, but we can gently and compassionately help clarify for kids the difference between making excuses and becoming the best version of themselves.
Venting vs. Complaining
Okay, maybe this one is for the teachers too. Teaching is hard. We all need a friend or a coworker we can go to when we need to get something off our chest. But there is a difference between sharing your struggles with a trusted friend and unloading on everyone in the teacher work room. Venting makes our burdens lighter. Complaining just (as my grandmother would say) works up a mad–in us and everyone around us.
So what about you? What are some words you would like to see clarified?
